Where is my happiness?
by woolalala
Summary: Rin has always been shy since young, but many things happened that made her decide to be a prostitute. She was so sure she wouldn't meet her one and only true love until one day, when he appeared...


Hi, this is Rin, and this is the story of my life.

I've always been shy ever since I was a kid. I would hide myself in the room whenever there are visitors. Once, during my brother's birthday, as usual, I kept myself hiding inside my room. Little did I know, my brother got the keys from my mum and opened the door; his friends came running in, I cried almost instantly. Come to think of it, I had social anxiety.

However, despite being social phobic, I grew up thinking that I was pretty. Since young, the people around me showered me with compliments; perhaps that was why I was pretty arrogant as a teenager.

I had my first crush when I was in high school. I could still remember how he was like; he was handsome, dark-skinned, tall, popular, has many friends; the total opposite of me. Being the arrogant me at that time, I was quite confident that he would fall for me. Every once in awhile, I would look at him, and when he realized that, I would stubbornly keep the eye contact with him.

Everything went downhill on one particular day. During a conversation with my friend, she told me that my crush wanted her to pass me a message. I was happy because I thought he finally noticed me, I thought I might have a chance of being together with him. I was shocked when she told me that he said I am very ugly and he will never like me.

Being angry and hurt, I wanted to take revenge. Hence, I took the cowardly way out, I cyber-bullied him and spread false rumors. Unfortunately, he found out it was me and he scolded me, it was the first time that I cried in high school.

Ever since then, I stopped with the bullying, I stopped with the arrogance, I stopped with everything. I no longer believe in myself, I no longer think I'm pretty anymore, I stopped dressing up. As I grew older, there were lesser compliments and harsher comments. Many said I was ugly. Once, my mum's friend asked her why her daughter was so ugly, I wanted so much to kill myself.

After high school, I entered college. I was much more quiet, introverted and shy, I had no friends, nobody really liked me, and nobody really wanted to talk to me. Right, there was a girl who talked to me, but I know she's only talking to me because she pities me because there wasn't any sincerity. Nevertheless, I should be grateful she ever bothered to talk to someone like me right? I am such an ungrateful bitch.

On the second year of college, it was one of the most devastating moments of my life; I lost two of my loved ones. Ever since then, I shunned away from people, I stopped hanging out my college "friends". Hah, and I was right, they didn't even care. I must be such a horrible person that's why so many people left me, right? I'm like garbage; people take and just throw me away. I'm just trash.

On the third year of college, I met my first boyfriend. He took the initiative to talk to me, he cared about me, he said I was pretty, and he showed how much he needed and wanted me. It was the first time in my life that I felt so needed, so wanted. Therefore, I fell deeply in love.

But I was right, good things never last and good things will never happen to someone like me. I got dumped. I cried and begged him to change his mind but he told me the only thing that would change his mind would be me to have sex with him.

They say people do the dumbest thing when they are in love. Without me knowing, I found myself standing in front of his door, knocking. The next thing I knew, I was already in his bed. I thought we would last if I gave him something he needed. Hah, I was dead wrong. Within a week, I received a message from him, saying even though I've given him something he wanted, I failed to give him something he needed, which is love. He no longer loved me.

On that day, I attempted suicide.

But I was miraculously saved. I'm not sure whether I should feel happy or sad. On the same day, I was diagnosed with depression. My parents tried their best to make me happy, they brought me out for authentic, delicious food, but I couldn't eat a bite, even if I did, I vomitted everything out.

Within a month, I lost 7kg. I was crazy enough at that point of time to want to lose even more weight, because I thought, maybe if I lost more weight, I would finally look pretty.

It took me one year to heal from my depression, though not completely. I finally got myself a job as an administrative clerk. As expected, I still couldn't communicate well with others, I kept making mistakes, and as a plain, dull looking girl, I was criticized alot. I know they even talked bad behind my back, and also complained to my boss.

I was under immense pressure but I didn't want to quit because I'm not sure what to do if I quit, and I'm not sure what exactly am I good at, I also didn't want my parents to worry about me. At that point of time, I just wanted to earn more money so that I could provide for my parents like how they did for me.

One fine night, due to loneliness and stress, I went to a club alone for drinking; I've never entered a club before.

Loud music blasted through my ears, I was feeling dizzy. I grabbed a bottle of beer and started drinking.

One bottle, two bottles, three bottles, I've lost count of the number of bottles that I've drank.

That night, all I could remember was me drinking, and some random guy came to pick me up. The next thing I knew, I was already in a hotel, naked in a bed, my clothes scattered all over the floor.

I was shocked, appalled. What happened? Why did I allow myself to be taken advantage of once again? How dirty of me. With teary eyes, I spotted a bunch of cash on the side of the bed and a note that wrote:

Last night was fun, here's some money as a compensation for your torn up shirt

He tore up my shirt...how wild did I went last night?

I counted the cash on the table, and was quite surprised to see the amount.

$500.

It's ten times the amount of my torn up shirt. Wow. If I sleep with more guys and if they are willing to pay that much for my body, I would be filfty rich! That means I can finally quit my job...and in the long run, I can finally provide for my parents!

That was when it hit me. Since I'm already so dirty and so cheap, since everyone in the world are so mean and nasty, since I have nobody who loves me, since I'm stupid and useless, why not earn more money through my body if that's probably the only thing I'm good at? I reckon money wouldn't leave me like human does; money seems like the only protection for me. Hence, I came to a decision.

I've decided to become a prostitute.


End file.
